Some time ago I became embroiled in a heated discussion on Facebook about relationships and cheating. It all started with a news article that said a woman killed her boyfriend’s ‘side-chick’ then killed herself.
I couldn’t wrap my head around that -to this day I still can’t- or the fact that the majority of comments, from women no less, condemned the ‘sidechick’. Not for what she ultimately did, but for wrecking a home and some how hypnotizing this man to have assumed control over his mind, body and soul because certainly he couldn’t have actively pursued her all by himself.
I have a soft spot for side-chicks (and that was before I found out I myself was a side-chick) so of course I ran to her defense and argued that whether or not she knew the man had a woman the man is just as much culpable.
Needless to say I was labelled a troll; how dare I blame the man, it is the woman’s responsibility to walk away; to not give in to his pursuits. She is responsible for upholding both her and his standards.
I couldn’t understand this, I couldn’t understand why the woman or any woman for that matter is labelled a home wrecker after she enters into a relationship with a man who’s purposely hiding his marital or any other status, to get laid.
Now, I’m no man hater. I love men, I love to look at men, their physique (mmm mmm mmm mmm mmmmmmm) I love everything about the species. What I do not love is the slap on the wrist they get when their ‘stud-esque prowess’ (whatever that means) is displayed by the amount of women they can fool into bed with them.
Here’s a hypothetical situation. I’m sitting at a bar and guy comes up to me, “is this seat taken?” Me, into my margarita and daydreaming about everything, disturbs my contemplation to respond “no it’s not, ” “oh, great! Do you mind?” He asks as he motions to the chair, “no not at all,” was my response.
Of course he sits and decides to engage me in conversation because my ‘I-don’t-want- to-be-bothered’ sign wasn’t written legibly enough. We talked all day because we had nothing better to do.
After three margaritas, a bottle of water and the cherry? A cleared tab on account of my being a great conversationalist! Or so he said. I thanked him for his generosity, called it a day said my goodbye and left him at the bar.
A very slow and steady getting to know process ensued after he absolutely had to find the woman he couldn’t get off his mind since that day in the bar (😑 right?! Tell me about it!). We were the usual suspects of any new relationship so I’ll spare you the mushy details.
Then, after about 3 months in, out of the blue I received this call “You fucking bitch! Leave my man alone! I’ve seen your text messages and read your emails, you are pathetic; he is happily married with three kids, go find someone else’s home to wreck you whore!”
I was flabbergasted to say the least. Surely she must’ve mistaken my never-been-married- happily- single man ( at least that’s what he told me) with someone else. Of course we would have spent a considerable amount of time not necessarily talking about exes, but relationship expectations.
At some point we would have proudly and confidently declared and did so in fact, our unattached status so as to celebrate our availability and intention of starting something new together.
Now tell me, woman to woman, if your man enters into a relationship with another woman why would you deride the woman? Albeit there are some women who are well aware of a man’s relationship status yet brazenly disregard this and pursue him anyway.
However, and I firmly believe, more often than not men are the perpetrators in these instances. While that is all kinds of messed up and there is always some ‘study’ that will downplay this behaviour and dismiss it as primal and inherent to the species; this is not my gripe.
My gripe is that this kind of reckless behaviour pits women against each other fighting for a man who’s somehow managed to remove himself from the cross-hairs of what he created and haven’t the balls to man up to his indiscretions let alone choose one woman.
Then it is an ongoing battle for the man’s favor. Why do we degrade ourselves like this? Why do we blame each other for the actions of a man who doesn’t respect either of us enough to remain faithful in the first place? Why am I the one at fault for believing the ramblings of a pathological liar who didn’t respect you enough to wear you on his sleeve to begin with.
Boys will be boys, but woman to woman, your quarrel is not with me, but the cheating, shady disrespectful, nympho-maniacal bastard you call significant other, husband, boyfriend, boo, bae or whatever term they’re using these days!