Sometimes, Beauty is a Pain in the Ass!

Now, women endure a lot of shit in the name of beauty! And I mean a- lot-of-shit! 

So the other day I got a little rude awakening that my pink taco was due a serious grooming; rude awakening because my hairs got tangled in my panties when I was taking them off and boy did I see stars. (Hmm, did you really need to know that? I think I could have probably left that little tidbit out).

Any way, honestly, I was actually really feeling the fro game I had going on down there (think Miranda of Sex and the City).

So In true self-care fashion, which seems to be the buzz word these days,  I decided that I needed to implement some of the advice which spoke to the ‘body’ aspect of the tripartite and give myself some well needed ‘DIY’ attention.

Because, as previously mentioned and if you’ve been following my blog you’ll know I’m broke AF , I can’t afford the spa.

To be fair I do visit the Spa but that only happens on very special occasions  (when I get paid bonus and that’s once a year). So I am always scouring the internet for cheap products that will take care of my body grooming needs. Face, Skin you name it I would try it.

Being Sasquatch levels hairy, I decided to give myself a bikini wax and finally try out the no strip Naughty Nads Bikini Design Kit, that I’d previously bought, but never had the courage to use (Jackpot)!

It came complete with shapes of  landing strips, Bermuda triangles, thunderstrucks and heart-breakers. Sounds exciting doesn’t it?!

Now I’d never waxed before not even in the spa so I didn’t know what to expect and the online reviews weren’t negative enough to dissuade me from trying this new and exciting product. Who wouldn’t jump at the idea of creating their own skip-the-spa coochie art right?

I’d set aside Saturday for grooming day because the kid was out of the building, perfect!

I looked  in the mirror and said to my fro, “today is the day you die!” Mwahahahahahahhhhaaaaa!!!!

Did you just recall when Oberyn Martell said the complete opposite in Game of Thrones and then proceeded to die the most horrific death in the history of GoT? ( yeah me too).

On to the instructions, which were a bit confusing at first because I didn’t completely understand the idea of no strips.

It said I should heat the wax in the microwave (yea right, I had my pot of water boiling) wait for it to cool (obviously) then apply a thick layer to hair in its natural direction (downward, I think) and then let dry.

Hold skin taut, then remove wax, hairs and top layer of skin by ripping in opposite direction, easy peasy!

Here goes, whew! The wax was extremely sticky and came out of the jar like melted mozzarella cheese (I’m telling you if it was white i’d have eaten it instead).

I was feeling adventurous so I went with the thunderstruck design, stuck it on the area that I wanted it then applied the wax over the entire area of my taco (effectively skipping the trial test stage).

It was completely dried like hard plastic (hence the ‘no need for strips’ claim); I pried the tip of it enough to get a good grip of the tupper-ware like material then what ensued was the most excruci-fucking-ating  hour-long experience of my life!

Needless to say I’m  probably still missing a layer of my skin, there’s some discoloration, I still can’t decipher the thunderstruck and my vagina hasn’t looked quite the same since (see photo below).

 

 

 

 

 

 

You did not actually think I meant a photo of my vagina did you…?

 

What about you? Have you ever waxed? What was your experience like? What is your grooming routine? Share, share, share below!