Things You Avoid When You Can Fix Shit Yourself- Ms. Fix It Edit.

Living alone comes with many realizations. One of which includes the realization that I have zero handy skills and I should have paid attention when my dad tried teaching me how to use a hammer. No! I will not regale you on the time the hammer mistook my finger for a nail. 

I am a klutz as you’d have seen me mention many (2) times before, so no I do not have a wealth of knowledge to share with you about how much of a Ms. Fix it handy woman I most certainly am (NOT).

The following is a list of all the things you can avoid if you can do shit yourself. No not the turn a mason jar into a candle holder type do it yourself, I already have that down-pat.

Things you avoid when you’re your own ‘Handy Man’:-

 

Disappointment:

When you are a single woman living alone sometimes your only means of excitement is  gawking at the repair guy.

So when I hear the sexy voice of the plumber I just called in to fix a burst pipe, I get super excited! Will he be a Jason Momoa, a Joe Manganiello !?

He finally arrives and even his knock is sexy. When I open the door with bursting anticipation to see this has-got-to-be-a-Demi-God, let’s just say he’s no Jason Momoa.

Exorbitant bills: 

Do you know what a ‘WTF’ bill is? It’s those types of bills you get where the only possible and fitting response is WTF!!!

Once I called in a repair guy to fix a problem with my washing machine. This ‘mofo’ reached at the back of my machine detached the manual and said ‘ahh yes, there’s the problem!’,  that cost me over $100.00.

Free repairs:

Duh! Of course repairs are free, but they will be free every time you didn’t get it right the first time. Have you never called in 100 different people to fix the same damn problem? Or the same person to fix the problem he didn’t fix properly in the first place? I have and my wallet didn’t speak to me till next payday.

Paying repair men to use your tools:

There is always that one repair guy who comes with his half-ass repair kit then asks you to borrow all the tools you have in your house to fix your problem. Then charges you for it!

Awkward Conversation:

There’s nothing worse than a repair man who wants to ‘so how’s the weather?’ chit chat while he’s fixing your shit then floors you with his bill.

Seriously, did you think you were really going to distract me from the effective no lube, no condom, ‘WTF’ ass raping your bill was about to give me?

All of this is not to say that I do not appreciate the convenience of calling someone to fix everything that goes wrong in my house. Sometimes though, I wish I could do most if not all of it myself.

Having that kind of  knowledge would have come in handy the time I woke up in the middle of the night to the splashing sounds of a real life waterfall I didn’t install in my home. For each step down, the splashing  got louder and louder.

When I finally got down stairs I couldn’t decide which to do first, take a pic because it was truly an amazing sight or call the plumber.

What about you? Are you handy? Can you fix your roof? Let me know!