Giving relationship Advice without sounding like a Bitter Bitch!

tumblr_n96tacfsi51ru5h8co1_500.gifSo believe it or not, I am an advice guru, giver of all things sage, I kid you not! Where I live, people (those who know me) look up to me for advice, gasp! I even shock myself sometimes at how well I am able to convince people that I know what the hell I’m doing enough for them to want my advice and actually follow it too!

tenorNow I hate sugar coating and I always prefer people keep it 100% real with me. If you think I’m an asshole say hey, you’re an asshole. Please don’t pile on the fucking sugar and sprinkles to increase my already high likelihood of developing some ‘hereditary’ non communicable disease.

My heart has had its fair share of emotional abuse, it’s been broken a few times and shattered beyond repair, at least so I thought -thank God for duct-tape! So I can easily be misjudged as being bitter or a bit cynical. So how do you give sensible advice without sounding bitter and scorned and fucking miserable?

When a heart broken woman comes to me with a story that sounds similar to mine, she is in love, she is being treated like shit, clearly she’s broken but she also wants to hold on. How do you tell her to let that shit go without sounding as if you have a personal vendetta against assholes who treat women badly?

For starters, I hold her hands, wipe her tears and I tell her to LET THAT SHIT GO! (you have to be careful with this though because naysayers are like “she wants your man don’t listen to her” 0.o)

giphy.gifTricks to giving impartial advice:

Tell it like it is:

As I said earlier sometimes it’s good to just rip the bandaid off without any prior warning.Β “I searched my man’s phone and I saw pictures of him getting a blow job from someone who’s not me, I’m afraid to ask him about it, what should I do? “Ask him about it.”

Call them out on their bullshit:

Once I had a husband and wife together telling me their issues with each other and to me, they both sounded like morons. This was an easy fix because they both knew what was wrong and how to fix it, so I guess they just wanted to hear someone else point it out for them “you two are morons,” needless to say they were grateful for my honesty and worked toward fixing it.

Distance yourself:

Sometimes the people wanting advice are mutual friends of yours and they’re looking for someone to blame other than each other, something like a fall guy, so they include you in their drama. What has always worked for me was telling them to figure that shit out on their own “don’t involve me in that mess.”

Don’t make it personal:

It’s easy to get emotionally involved in something that you can identify with. “He used me, had a baby with someone else and engaged to someone else, what should I do?” That fucking piece of shit, you need to light his fucking house on fire while he is asleep! Okay that was personal. You need to remember ‘you’ in all of this, don’t lose yourself, if you aren’t going to leave, put a sock in it, otherwise GTFO!

Did I nail it? Or was I a bitch about the whole thing? What about you? What are your thoughts on giving asking for advice? Let me know below… πŸ™‚




Published by k.b etceterra

An awkward 'adulter' navigating life with a vagina in her teenie tiny corner of the world.

57 thoughts on “Giving relationship Advice without sounding like a Bitter Bitch!

  1. You nailed it..I also prefer saying it as it is.Personally I truly treasure friends who tell me off my shit…rare to find though.So there we goπŸ‘Š(we call it “kugotta”over here😊)

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Yaaaas. I think also in terms of not taking it personal, you have to not take it personal when they don’t take your advice! If you don’t want to seem bitter, you have to give your advice without any strings attached. A real struggle for me sometimes. Like, damn…REALLY? You did the opposite of what I told you? Then why did you ask?!

    Liked by 4 people

  3. THIS!!! Oh God. Sugar coating things feels like walking behind a really slow walker in the mall. Painful. I am one of those people who are interested in a solution to a problem, and don’t much care for “venting.” So when someone talks to me about a problem they are having, I have to make sure I understand that is all it is, they don’t want to fix it, they want to talk about it, and just because I don’t really understand why, I still try my best to just listen. I’m succesful like…6 percent of the time πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 3 people

    1. “Sugar coating things feels like walking behind a really slow walker in the mall. ” Right?! lol tell me about it… 6% hahah… I totally get what you mean… and I agree with your approach too… I do that too or try to at least…lol…!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Awesome post! I agree on all fronts. I keep it real, but don’t expect friends to take my advice because they will make changes on their own time not necessarily when you’ve offered them the gift of knowledge. πŸ€—

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Ked! Ked! Ked! Hahaha you make my days. I think in person you’re funny as you sound in writing!! I love how you capture a reader’s attention- i mean i hope am not the only one hooked to your posts. I find them hilarious at the same time full of wit and sense. This, among many others you’ve always posted is starred*

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 😊😊 awww…stop you’re making me blush…😊😊❀ thank you so much for your kind words Kenny, can I call you Kenny or maybe kenya…? Or is it Ken…? Or K…? Whew… there are so many possibilities to choose from… πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha β™₯
        I love your articles, i think i could say this all day longβ™₯β™₯
        The way you touch on ‘serious’ issues in a humorous way!
        How about you call me NITO instead, at least we do away with the many possibilities haha!
        I was thinking of sharing this article.
        You don’t mind, do you Ked?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 Oh no not at all…by all means share away if you Ni to… (see what I did thereπŸ˜‚) okay that wasn’t all that punny…πŸ˜†πŸ˜† thank you so much…❀

        Yes… life is way too short and sometimes full of drudgery *cue Desiderata* can’t take it so seriously gosh… there is negativity in the media every day… have a wonderful day or night or afternoon.. what time is it where you are… ? my day is just starting…

        Have a good one❀

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Haha
        It is 2.34 pm where i am, and it is raining!!!
        Africa has its own mysteries don’t you think?
        The thought of you just starting your day when mine is half way done ia hilarious in a way- thanks to social media though the world is reduced to a small global village.
        I agree with you; in as much as social media has easiened a lot of things, the bad still outweighs the good. More so on issues like parenting.
        You are welcome, anytime β™₯
        And yeah, life is too short and full of wonders:
        To wade across life’s streams
        is something we often do
        but always in different places
        Time comes when we have to move on
        sometimes not prepared to pack our own
        but only abide by nature’s commands
        Never sure of what’s in store
        but prepared to make sacrifices
        and take surprise however unpleasant
        We all wade across life’s streams
        not sure of our return
        but hoping to meet somewhere
        in life’s maze while searching
        . . .searching for an outlet!

        Good morning from Kenya Ked!!
        (It’s already past noon in Kenya though, haha)


      4. It’s 6.21pm. And it’s raining here. Kenya my motherland.
        Ked, i thought i had replied to this- forgive my delays.
        How are you holding up though?
        How are things over there? (haha do you mind naming it for me?)

        Liked by 1 person

  6. You definitely nailed this ☺
    For me personally I try not to give any advice until somebody actually needs it becuase I too have my problems and questions of my own.
    My only advice to people is to ask God for help.
    I rarely ask for advice becuase what works for one person may not work for you. Not only that, I like to hide my emotions.
    But this was a good blog tho.
    I also feel that when somebody get their heartbroken recently, I tell them it’s okay to cry and think about it over and over.
    When you tell somebody try not to think about, 9/10 times they will think about it twice as much

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s so true… and thats really the best and most realistic advice you can give to anyone in that situation. it’ll get better may not be now or tomorrow or even the day after that… but it will get better…😊

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I love this! I am definitely the “mom” within my friends’ group and I also pride myself in giving some pretty kick-ass advice (if I do say so myself). Great post! I cannot stand being patronized with sugar-coated answers, so I am definitely feeling every word you wrote.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am new to your blog and I must say it has captivated my attention this morning. I really do like the way you write, your prose flows baby!!! This piece speaks truth and truth isn’t always what people want to hear is it? Nicely done πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Right on! Instead of complaining, do something. As for me? I didn’t complain to a single person, kept my mouth shut, took the crap, and have suffered greatly for it. Now, I want to help others avoid the pitfalls of damaging relationships. Bolster the positives within so falling prey is less likely. And, by the way, thanks for putting me up on your “Blogs I can’t get enough of.” Clever idea, and I truly appreciate gaining the spot. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Brilliant advice! It’s so valuable to get honest advice and be truthful about problems rather than sugar-coating things and pretending they aren’t an issue. Lovely read! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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A safe haven for island babes


all the stuff that's fit to never see the light of day.


I aspire to inspire. Creating words into beautiful messages and sharing it to anyone who needs a little sparkle in their lives.

SOCIOLOGICALLY YOURS, Dr. Vivencio (Ven) Ballano


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