Giving relationship Advice without sounding like a Bitter Bitch!

So believe it or not, I am an advice guru, giver of all things sage, I kid you not! Where I live, people (those who know me) look up to me for advice, gasp! I even shock myself sometimes at how well I am able to convince people that I know what the hell I’m doing enough for them to want my advice and actually follow it too!

Now I hate sugar coating and I always prefer people keep it 100% real with me. If you think I’m an asshole say hey, you’re an asshole. Please don’t pile on the fucking sugar and sprinkles to increase my already high likelihood of developing some ‘hereditary’ non communicable disease.

My heart has had its fair share of emotional abuse, it’s been broken a few times and shattered beyond repair, at least so I thought -thank God for duct-tape! So I can easily be misjudged as being bitter or a bit cynical. So how do you give sensible advice without sounding bitter and scorned and fucking miserable?

When a heart broken woman comes to me with a story that sounds similar to mine, she is in love, she is being treated like shit, clearly she’s broken but she also wants to hold on. How do you tell her to let that shit go without sounding as if you have a personal vendetta against assholes who treat women badly?

For starters, I hold her hands, wipe her tears and I tell her to LET THAT SHIT GO! (you have to be careful with this though because naysayers are like “she wants your man don’t listen to her” 0.o)

Tricks to giving impartial advice:

Tell it like it is:

As I said earlier sometimes it’s good to just rip the bandaid off without any prior warning. “I searched my man’s phone and I saw pictures of him getting a blow job from someone who’s not me, I’m afraid to ask him about it, what should I do? “Ask him about it.”

Call them out on their bullshit:

Once I had a husband and wife together telling me their issues with each other and to me, they both sounded like morons. This was an easy fix because they both knew what was wrong and how to fix it, so I guess they just wanted to hear someone else point it out for them “you two are morons,” needless to say they were grateful for my honesty and worked toward fixing it.

Distance yourself:

Sometimes the people wanting advice are mutual friends of yours and they’re looking for someone to blame other than each other, something like a fall guy, so they include you in their drama. What has always worked for me was telling them to figure that shit out on their own “don’t involve me in that mess.”

Don’t make it personal:

It’s easy to get emotionally involved in something that you can identify with. “He used me, had a baby with someone else and engaged to someone else, what should I do?” That fucking piece of shit, you need to light his fucking house on fire while he is asleep! Okay that was personal. You need to remember ‘you’ in all of this, don’t lose yourself, if you aren’t going to leave, put a sock in it, otherwise GTFO!

Did I nail it? Or was I a bitch about the whole thing? What about you? What are your thoughts on giving asking for advice? Let me know below… 🙂