The Single Woman Syndrome

Are you a single woman? Have you been emancipated from the thought that you need to have a relationship- a man or woman or children- to feel complete? Are you childless by choice?

Do you suffer from bouts of excitement and happiness just ’cause? Longer sleeping hours? Alone time? Me time? Are you happier now than you were when you were in any prior relationships?

If your answer to one or all of these questions is yes, then you may be suffering from the Single Woman Syndrome (SWS).

Studies have shown that being single increases your risk of depression, well I’m no psychologist, but you can take those  studies fold them neatly and stick them way up your ‘have nothing better to do’ asses.

Society (I mention society a lot because it’s the cause of most if not all of the problems the world over) has glorified the idea of relationships, not to mention standardized its make up- Man, woman, child.

It has led us to believe that in order to live a long fruitful life we must be entrapped attached in some way shape or form to someone. Well I have two words for you society, say it with me guys… fuck you! 

I don’t know about you, but being single offers a certain kind of Utopian-esque independence that I don’t mind prolonging a few years longer.

There is a certain kind of anxiety that accompanies the thought of relationships that causes me to break into a clammy sweat, get all ‘claustrophicky’ and run away. 

 

Symptoms of  SWS:

• Ecstasy– You are so happy being single and alone that you have an allergic reaction to the thought of  being in a relationship or even ‘meeting’ guys or women, if that’s what you’re into.

• Dating Anxiety– Cringing at the thought of dating- the preparation, the conversations, the awkward (and by awkward I mean not funny at all) jokes that you have to courteously laugh at ‘tehehehe’.

• Commitment Anxiety– Cringing at the thought of marriage- wait..what… I have to wake up to that face, see you, smell you…talk to you.. every day.. fo..fo..fooorrreverrr…??!! um…

Benefits Of  SWS:

• Longevity- Your prospect of living a longer healthier life increases exponentially.

 

• Self Development- Being in a relationship somehow diminishes the time you get to spend on yourself; your needs, achieving your goals and living a long fruitful life. In the absence of a relationship, you benefit from shorter waiting periods between goal achievement; on the self-care front, less wrinkles, less gray hair and less sleepless nights. 

 

• Decreased stress levels- Stress releases a hormone called cortisol which is essential in the body’s flight or fight response to deal with stressful situations. This hormone also increases the risk of certain health problems if these floodgates remain open as a result of constant high levels of stress. So with debt and achieving goals already registering pretty high numbers on the stress-o-meter why compound the situation by involving yourself in a relationship, where you compromise your complete existence to coexist with someone who constantly triggers your stress levels when a toilet seat is left up, the dishes are unwashed or  God if they cheat on you with a younger, cooler version of yourself?

Do you suffer from the SWS? what are your views on being single or being in a relationship? Let me know in the comments below :).

Disclaimer: I will not be held responsible for the summary destruction of anyone’s relationship after reading this post. I am not against relationships. No I am not bitter or miserable nor do I own a massive number of cats (no offence cat lovers, society and their stereotypes again), or rocking chair. 

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