“Am I a shitty parent?”

How many of you when you were younger, and probably while being scolded by your parents swore, “when I become a parent I will be the best I can be. I will love my baby, provide everything he/she needs. I will never shout at or spank my kid; I will be their best friend!?” 

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Yes I rolled my eyes too! If that is not what you said, there is still some version of this ‘talk’ we all gave ourselves about the kind of parent we would want to become. Then time passes and you are a parent.

They are born, they’re “awww too cute”, you make a big deal out of it. You throw the ‘welcome home baby’ shindig.

You gush over their yawn, their spit, their perfectly green first shit, the way they suck their thumb, your nipple, their bottle’s nipple, their first tooth, their first steps; everything!

You become a shutterbug of sorts snapping pictures at every thing that they’re doing (and probably contributing to early onset blindness in the process) that’s ‘oh so terribly cute’ .

Bat your eyelashes for a half-second and they are pre-teens; with their wanting to be independent selves. Having the gall to have an opinion, to challenge you because they have so much more experience than you do in whatever the matter is at hand; while they still can’t remember to brush their damn teeth, let alone make their bed!

I salivated for the day to come when my kid would hit double digits because I thought he would somehow, magically turn into a responsible and thoughtful little human.

The thought of them achieving such a milestone is comforting because, well, you think you will get a day or two off from thinking for both of you all the time.

“Yes! He’s growing up, he can finally think for himself and figure shit out on his own,” only, that is not the case!

bitmoji-20180422063541As if that’s not enough, you get the mood swings, the bad attitude, the insolence– the everything!

You are screaming your head off and the camera once used to capture those precious moments is being thrown at them.

And you, effectively reneging on all the things you swore you’d never do when you became a parent.

You’ve read all the books and even tried living up to Diana Baumrind’s ideal parenting style.

Yet here you are googling “how to not kill my child?’ because you aren’t finding any answers on ‘Aha Parenting.’

It is a fucking roller coaster! ‘Adulting’ on it’s own is hard af, go ahead and throw in a kid or two and before you know it you are on suicide watch.

Every so often I tend to question my abilities as a parent, and wonder ‘am I a shitty parent?’ Am I even doing this thing right?

There are the studies that tell you what to expect as your child transitions from stage to stage, but this still does not prepare you for the utter mind-fuck associated with creating an upstanding human being.

bitmoji-20180512121502“Did I shout too much? Was I being unreasonable? Am I really that hard on him/her? What’s with all the fucking attitude?!” Did I hurt his little feelings? Is that going to ruin him forever?

Will he go to school and kill everyone because I hurt his feelings? Will he kill everyone because they hurt his feelings? Will he smother me in my sleep because I told him no? Are all questions I ask myself,  no not really.

But you do tend to wonder If you are doing a good job, especially when you are trying to be the best parent ever. How do you know that you are are doing it right thing though? Do I cross my fingers and toes and hope my kid doesn’t grow up to  be the next ax murderer?

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Whenever there is some horrific school massacre the blame goes squarely on the parents. Albeit there are some really shitty parents out there, I hardly think (maybe not) parents are rearing serial killers and murders. tumblr_mhx98dX6WL1qlsrn9o1_500

There is a saying that goes ‘you can give a child everything but you cannot give him a mind.’

While that is so It is still important to ensure that you do your damn best.

Instill the correct values so that you don’t wake up one morning to the news that your kid killed a bunch of people because someone stared at him too long.

Let’s talk about parenting! How do you deal? Do you feel like you do a shitty job at times? Any anecdotes, advice or the like? Let me know in the comments below!

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52 thoughts on ““Am I a shitty parent?”

  1. LiveNotExist says:

    I’m a mother of three boys and damn I can rely to a lot of this stuff. From the cuuuute to the “hell no” part😜 they give you grey hair and as you say make you question everything no matter what you do. Really great post❤️happy mothers day

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mommatrek says:

    I know there are times when I do a shitty, shitty job because it’s hard enough dealing with my own mental illness (depression/anxiety) as it is. But I also get to deal with my husband and HIS mental illness (anxiety, depression, ADHD and OCD) and my kid’s mental issues (ADHD, anxiety, autism spectrum disorder and a whole crapload of other co-morbid conditions on top of that). Having a teenager is hard…having a teenager with ADHD and ASD? It’s like you tossed Wolverine and the world’s crankiest honey badger into a wrestling ring and told them to duke it out using only crappy motel pillows.

    I’ll be happy if I just SURVIVE his teen years.

    Liked by 1 person

      • mommatrek says:

        Thanks. It was mostly an OK day until I took a bath. Which normally, baths are cool. Baths are awesome, right? But right after I got out of the bath, I noticed there were these wicked red patches trying to crop up on my arms that now I gotta deal with. So I’ve slathered myself in hydrocortisone cream, taken a couple of Advil and I’m going to go make some ice packs to put my arms.

        I’ve been tested for both lupus and RA, but both tests came back “Eeeh…maybe? IDK.” which is irritating as hell. It’s like my immune system hates me or something. I’m probably going to have to go to an actual for real rheumatologist this summer to get this shit sorted out.

        Immune disorders suck.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Unleashing the Cougar says:

    Lovely to read this on Mothers Day as a single parent to 2 teenage boys. Yes it is bloody hard but I am still incredibly grateful most of the time. What would do me the world of good is reliable ‘me’ time when I knew I could have a break and be guaranteed a rest. I never get this – it is always up in the air and I can never actually rely on ‘me’ time, for various reasons. This is the one thing I would like to change in my life. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. angelanoelauthor says:

    I enjoyed reading your post. I know we KNOW that parenting is complex. But we don’t really KNOW it until we do it. Much like the teenagers that we once were, I know i had the sense that it couldn’t really be that hard. But it is. It’s glorious, but a full-time extraordinarily important job that too many people may take lightly. I believe the vast majority of people are well intentioned but lack the tools to parent effectively. But then again, I’m just one person. And I wonder if I need to go to the parenting version of Home Depot every now and again myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 2020cookingadventures says:

    Hello. how are you? I read this out loud to my husband in which he laughed so hard it woke my daughter. yeah,she was on time to the bus this morning. Santanna is 14 and this post hit home in so many ways. Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Debs says:

    Hilarious post but truth spewing. I am not a parent yet but I had those crazy thoughts at some point and I feel sorry for even thinking of such.

    Handling kids is no small feat neither is it for the weak. You’ve got to be some extra cheese and extra chilli to get them to bend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kedawithani says:

      hahahah… Tell me about it… It really is challenging at times…you spend so much time teaching them this and that then you are amazed at the shit they do… like… ‘didn’t we go over this already..?!’

      Like

  7. The Haunted Wordsmith says:

    I have embraced my crappy parenting skills. My kid (13) gets snotty towards me…I flip him off. He refuses to shower (yes, he’s the stinky kid in class), brush his teeth, clean his room, or get out of bed before noon on weekends. We fight, we yell, he slams doors, he even put a hole in the wall years ago. I love every minute of it. Here’s why…in my house any tear was a giant target, any sign of anger and we had “anger management issues”, any expression of opinion was met with hate. No…I am not raising him the way I was raised. I am a crappy parent. We never hug (both of us think that’s weird) and he stopped holding my hand a few years ago, and we argue WAY too much, but I have done some things right…his teachers all compliment him on his kindness and willingness to help others. When I say I need his help because I can’t see the dang yellow spider in the yellow light, he runs in with his flashlight. When I say I need help finding the mouse in the house, he is there. When I say I am in pain, he is concerned. He loves nature, animals, music, anime, and a dash of psycho thoughts that he inherited from me.

    Am I a crappy parent? You bet…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Some times I think its the “good” parents that are missing out on things.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. adoseofjudy says:

    Haha i think we all feel this way at one point or another. Trust me as a mom to 6 I think I ask myself if I am a shitty parent as well, but just started my own blog to open the doors to my adventure as well and how I make my day to day work. That is if I make it through the day lol

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Miss A says:

    Oh God yes! This post sure covered a lot of “parenting phases”. I’m a mum and I sure hope I’m raising a little angel but hey, who knows, next week she might burn down a shopping mall. Oh, I forgot , she is only one. Think I’m safe. For now…

    Like

  10. erikarobicheaux says:

    i truly do believe some moms just luck out with great kids, but you cant lie about the struggle of keeping it all together. I’ve seen it personally and have felt the same way.. all you can do is try to stay positive and consistent and try to encourage your kids that they do have potential and do have a heart (though they act the fool and become a demon child when told no) LOL.. I know this is what got me through a tough time in my child hood, when all i wanted to do was act out I had some one tell me I was good and smart and kind. Reassurance goes a long way when you are struggling to practice some self control. Love your blog and your crude honesty. I had a good laugh myself!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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