What I wish I knew Before I became a Parent

The moment you announce that you’re pregnant, you are inundated with unsolicited advice about every and anything coming from every direction. 

On top of that, everyone wants to share their pregnancy story, -“I was in labor for 72 hours, it was the worst experience of my life. The worst part of my delivery was when the doctor cut my vagina, gawd! Then he had to stitch it up, can you say torture!” Not exactly the kinds of things an expectant mother would want to hear. I most certainly didn’t.

Not to mention when your bump becomes visible, that opens you up to even more advice from everyone and I mean Everyone!

People in the street “the way you are carrying, that is definitely a boy”, “you know you shouldn’t be wearing that”, in the supermarket “oh no that’s not good for the baby”, the dark halls of the theater “did you know your baby can see the movie too?”, even your reflection in the mirror has something to say.

There is always someone who feels compelled to tell you about the time their water broke while standing in line at the bank or someone else who wants to dispense some nugget of advice  about what to expect, what to do, what not to do and how to do it.

While I am sure they all mean well I think I would have preferred if they told me this instead:

It’s okay to let them fall 

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I was and still somewhat am, an over protective parent. Despite that fact and all the advice on the dos and don’ts of parenting, I still managed to make every mistake I could possibly make during my first week (not to mention the rest of his life) as a mom.

For starters, my baby fell off the couch perhaps the first night I brought him home. Just like magic, one minute he was there suckling on my breast, the next, he was on the floor bawling his eyes out and me, tapping all over the couch feeling for him, much like when Velma loses her glasses.

Thankfully when I found him he was unscathed and I assured him I would never fall him again. I gave him that exact assurance quite a few times after that in the early stages, like the time he fell out of his car seat!

Parenting styles

What kind of parent are you? A shouter? Or more of the ‘stick in the mud stick up your ass type?’  Maybe you’re the laissez faire-uninvolved-my-kid-is-a-law-unto-himself type. Perhaps you are the do what ever you want I can’t be bothered type.

Whatever type of parent you are according to Diane Baumrind this has an effect on your child’s development and overall social adjustment as an adult.

Apparently, if I shout too much my child has the potential to become the next axe murderer. Jest aside, Baumrind coined four parenting styles which explains the effects your method of parenting has on your child.

This to me is golden! When I first learned about this, I questioned my methods. I thought it was too late to save my kid from Crystal Lake but it was not and all it took was a little adjusting.

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Mindset

Have you ever heard of the fixed and growth mindsets? I hadn’t either till recently when I took a course in Psychology. Carol Dweck purports in a tiny nutshell that the fixed mindset limits one’s potential while the growth, well, that’s pretty obvious right?!

When I read about mindsets and ‘the power of yet’ my eyes were opened and I immediately looked at the ways I was encouraging my son to develop a fixed mindset. I am currently reading the book and thus far it is really a fresh and in my opinion better approach to learning.

Of course I’ve adopted some of the techniques to undo the damage I think I’ve done on my kid.

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What about you? What are some of the things you wish you knew before you became a parent? Does anything here resonate with you? How do you parent? Let me know in the comments below.

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27 thoughts on “What I wish I knew Before I became a Parent

  1. IngridMadisonAve says:

    Interesting! I think it’s different for everyone based on culture, religion, etc. We all do as best we can, and hope for the best. The most important thing is love. Always give love to your child. It’s so important for their growth development, and self esteem. 🤗

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Julie de Rohan says:

    I think one of the best things we can do as parents is to have an understanding of our children’s emotional needs as well as their physical needs. Kids need empathy, understanding and acceptance from parents in order to feel they are loved and to know their value. Such an interesting post, thank you Keda.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Scribbles and Tostitos says:

    Great post! I’ll check back for all the gems that your readers will share. I’m not a parent yet but I’d love to learn from other parents about their experience. I do have a question since it has been a giant source for debate among my friends and family: how much tv is okay for your child? And at what age is it okay?

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Ely says:

    I’m a super busy and I mean- BUSY mom. The guilt that comes with busting your ass to chase your own dreams that will also some day, help your family from NOT struggling so much- is inexplicably deep. My kids are small but so independent and so aware of my love and why I do what I do- they’re too mature sometimes. I’ve always been open and honest with my kids and when I make mistakes, I apologize to them – because they’re also human. If anything is VITAL in parenting these days, it’s communication. No matter how busy, I always want to sit and talk about how our days went- what happened at the playground, what did they learn, did they make a new friend or lose one… with communication comes TRUST and that’s something I never had for my parents growing up. I believe with communication and trust- we can save our children from themselves, should they ever find themselves at those crossroads. I’m rambling now. Lol. I never paid attention to anyone’s advice- no two parenting experiences will ever be the same. My greatest advice has always been: go with your instincts. You’ll know what to do. Trust yourself with your child and listen to what’s in your heart. Xoxo love this post!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Scribbles and Tostitos says:

      Growing up, I remember how much I used to value the time my mom. She worked full time but in the evenings and weekends, she made it clear that she loved us and was around whenever we needed her. I believe that the open relationship I had with my mom has made me who I am today. Excellent advice.

      Liked by 2 people

      • kedawithani says:

        I Love this… communication is so important in any relationship and even more so when you’re a parent… I stress the importance of this if nothing else because indeed you are correct it engenders trust and we all want out kids to trust us. Sound advice thanks so much for sharing your thoughts…!!!<3

        Like

  5. journie2woman says:

    Great post. Parenting is very tough because you are molding the future. Thats sort of a big deal. But yea when pregnant you get a ton of unsolicited advice 🙄 like let me be huge eat this pizza with donuts and chocolate and walk around feeling comfy in whatever I have on in peace. Lol

    Liked by 2 people

  6. mommatrek says:

    I think I vacillate between all four parenting ‘types’ but then again, you gotta learn to twirl and twist like a damned contortionist when you have an autistic kid because that shit throws ALL kinds of monkey wrenches into the kind of parent you THOUGHT you were going to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Laurie says:

    Loved hearing your pregnancy and parenting stories! No one ever looks back at their parenting and thinks, “I nailed that!” Everyone I know thinks they could have done some things differently/better. But when you are going through it, you are tired, sometimes confused and stressed.

    I think I started out as an authoritative parent with my first one, but gradually shifted to permissive by the time the youngest came along! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Maria Melin says:

    I really related to this post. I’m about to go into my third trimester and the unsolicited advice I get is constant and everyday. Mainly due to my coworkers. I just smile and say thank you but those are from the people who mean well. The people who frustrate me the most are the ones who are really rude and then proceed to tell you what you should be doing and that what you are doing is wrong even though it is not. I just hold on to the fact that my doctor says I am doing everything right and my baby is doing great. It’s bad enough I am not sure if I’ll be a great mother but I do know I am doing a great job at nurturing this baby right now and I know how much love he already has from me and family. It is just a really crappy feeling when people are essentially putting you down instead of asking how you are feeling. Instead they just criticize you and tell you very negative things. I know I am doing a good job now but it would be nice for people to tell you that from time to time and be encouraging. Thank you for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • kedawithani says:

      Congrats mom-to-be Girl tell me about it…thank you for sharing… eventually would be very openly rude to people when it came to my pregnancy… I remember a friend of the family complained me to my siblings because of how I behaved when he asked me something about my pregnancy…hahah at that point I didn’t care. And you are so right, they very rarely ask about the well-being of the expectant mom… Parenting is not easy let me be the first to blow that out of the water… but you’ll survive be the parent you want to be and not what everyone says you should be… all the best on your journey … safe delivery… Thanks for reading… 🙂

      x

      Like

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