I was played!!! there is no sugar coating it. I was played like a mariachi guitar at a Cinco De Mayo festival. I am not a relationship expert nor do I have enough experience to speak authoritatively on the subject. However, I think the one apocalyptic straight-from-hell ‘relationshit’ that I’ve experienced qualifies me to speak on it.
I’ve heard of roller coasters, but that was the whole fucking theme park! I swear. I’m not going to bore you with the gory details of the countless women, the subsequent baby, the lies, the mind games and the rinse and repeat times three or maybe four.
Nope I’m going to bore you with a list; a list of things you Absolutely Should Not Do after you emancipate yourself from the clutches of a parasitic psychopath.
Articles that speak on relationship do’s and don’ts are myriad and there are millions more on how to get over a break up. But what I am about to dispense is not the ‘BAM in your face’ kind of advice.
To find this, you will have to comb through the world wide web with a nit comb as you would a lice infested head. I was desperate to find relief, to find answers to explain exactly what the fuck I’d just experienced.
Breaking up and getting over a relationship with a psychopath is not like your average break up. No way! Multiply everything by 100 or maybe more.
should not SHOULD NOT do post break up:
Never, and I mean NEVERRRR respond to the onslaught of text messages that would subsequently bombard your phone after you FINALLY decide to make a run for it.
The “I miss you’s, I love you’s, I’m sorry’s, I will never hurt you again’s.! Do not I vociferate DO NOT, I beg, plead, girl for your sanity, do not respond. DO NOT, pick that call up!
Where a normal guy will call 10 times and quit, a psychopath will call until you respond and it is at that time the vicious cycle starts over. He is a pathological, manipulative, mendacious vile human being devoid of conscience and the moment he senses vulnerability he is in for the kill.
The missed calls will look sincere – because they are so many, so he must be sorry, he must really want to talk and make things right-, your inbox would reach it’s capacity and you will begin to feel yourself giving in, well because after all, you love him. But I cannot emphasize enough, Don’t do it girl!
Fight the thoughts-
Just like any other break up you need to mourn the loss of the relationship. Don’t fight the thoughts, there is no getting away from them. There is no getting away from the constant rumination on the brazenly blatant things this asshole managed to do to you.
The lies he told, you replay everything over and over and over and over and over. The more you fight those thoughts, the more they will come, allow them to take their course. As the days go by they will become fewer and fewer.
Hide your hurt-
Girl, what he did was foul, don’t be ashamed of your experience. You don’t want to be judged for being imbecilic and staying with him for as long as you did. But that does’t matter, at the moment what matters is your sanity.
Talk about it, write about it, sing about it; tell everybody, tell the stranger on the train sitting next to you. Talk to your family, your friends, the teddy bear on your bed – Mr. Fluff?, your pet fish.
Let it all out, all of this is part of the mourning process, talking about it allows you to clear your mind and breathe. Catharsis is your friend. Keep talking. Tell everyone what a complete and utter asshole he is.
He doesn’t deserve any sympathy – not that he cares. But you will need support and love from the people around you. Let them help you. Let them support you.
Beat yourself up-
“How could I allow this to happen to me, why did I stay, how could he do this to me?” There is no way your rational thinking, conscience-having, empathy-feeling self could have fathomed the levels of this guy’s depravity.
He is a psychopath skilled in ‘assholery’ and manipulation, he doesn’t have a moral bone in his body. That your mental faculties could not process someone being so soulless and heartless is perfectly fine.
He is not normal, it is not your fault. You are smart, astute, kind and human, the perfect prey. He is NOT. Do not beat yourself up for ignoring the red flags he gas-lighted you into believing were a figment of your imagination.
He has no conscience, lying is second nature so stories will not only be believable, but so painfully stupid you’d refuse to think they were lies because otherwise it would be an insult to your intelligence.
Lady this is the time you need to be distracted the most. Go out, meet new people -not date new people. Have fun, travel, hike, knit a sweater; be adventurous. If you distract your mind and occupy your time with as much things as possible, you’d soon find yourself thinking less and less about the asshole.
Read that book you kept putting off. Do some yoga, go to the beach. Have a swim, hang with friends. Drink wine, eat cheese try a new recipe. Remodel your home – a great time to toss everything that belongs to him or remotely resembles or reminds you of him.
What ever you do, do not allow yourself to sink into the abysmal darkness of your misery, yes you will feel miserable, shitty, you definitely won’t want to do any of this. That is why you absolutely must do this. Anything else would be borderline suicidal or homicidal choose your poison.
My experience was terrible, and I took it for granted that this guy was normal, Normal he was NOT. He was a psychopath!!!!